Stephen Sommers, the uber hack who brought us such quality films as The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, The Scorpion King, Deep Rising, and Van Fucking Helsing, has been offered the directing job for GI Joe.

Fucking kill me now.

After a title like 'Worst News Ever', I was actually quite pleasantly surprised to find out it was Summers directing 'G.I. Joe'. I was afraid it was news about 'The Dark Knight' or 'Iron Man' or the new Supes movie, or the like. I'm not particularly concerned with the vicissitudes of 'G.I. Joe' films.

I guess I should've read this before I stocked my bomb shelter with cans of beans.

What the F am I going to do with all these beans now!?

Lob 'em at Stephen Sommers' head.

If all the action sequences are shot in tight frames with close-ups and slo-mos at really awkard times, and it cuts away from the main action to show some minor character shoot someone in the crotch, then I'll commence the lobbing.

Then and only then.

And it will be warranted.

YES, Josh Dumahel was a minor character in Transformers. It's called Transformers, not "Josh Dumahel Every Five Minutes."

I know I've said this before, and you all agree, I just think a re-iteration was needed.

Ipsilon wrote:I guess I should've read this before I stocked my bomb shelter with cans of beans.

What the F am I going to do with all these beans now!?

Hold the First Annual Mr. Olympia of Farting contest.

Dammit! They passed me up AGAIN!? When will Hollywood learn????

You might still get your chance, Mags. Looks like Sommers turned down the project cuz they wouldn't pay him enough. Thank god for greed!!!

Oh my GAWD.

GI Joe news just got even WORSE.

The show biz newspaper Variety reports: "G.I. Joe is now a Brussels-based outfit that stands for Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity, an international co-ed force of operatives who use hi-tech equipment to battle Cobra, an evil organization headed by a double-crossing Scottish arms dealer."

Are you SHITTING me??

You just heard about this?

Didn't you know it was the Global Integrated Joint Operative Entity? I heard about that shit (and, yeah, it's ridiculous) about a month ago.

I think we posted it here just before "The Incident."

Something tells me Ipsy will still be blaming "The Incident" some twenty years from now.

Uh oh, Thursty went there.

How can you be mad at Ipsilon, with an avatar like this:

You know, at first I was thinking that it was pretty fucked up to give me the ginger version of Fat Bastard as an avatar but now I think I'll leave it to torture you all.

Magnum wrote:How can you be mad at Ipsilon, with an avatar like this:

How can you not be mad at him for having an avatar like that?

Ipsilon wrote:Everybody loves puppies.

Everybody loves Ipsy.

It just fits.

Plus, you don't want to Hassel Ipsy any more than you want to Hassel the Hoff.

Believe it.

You know what G.I. Joe needs right now?

It needs THE SHAT! The Shat and his toupee will save the day!

He won't be busy saving the future, after all--at least not while J. J. Abrams is directing it.

Magnum wrote:Oh my GAWD.

GI Joe news just got even WORSE.

The show biz newspaper Variety reports: "G.I. Joe is now a Brussels-based outfit that stands for Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity, an international co-ed force of operatives who use hi-tech equipment to battle Cobra, an evil organization headed by a double-crossing Scottish arms dealer."

Are you SHITTING me??

Ok, so I know I'm a little behind here, but I just heard about this the other day. I read it somwhere else and I think I was hoping it was a joke. Then I read it here. Damnit! This is so frakking lame I don't even have the words to describe it!

I am a HUGE GI Joe fan. When my brother got Transformers, I got Joes. I collected the comics and figures well into my high school years. When I heard about some of the changes to the TF movie, I was worried, but IMO, it turned out okay. However, these changes to the Joe universe seem doomed to kill the project for me.

Ugh. Next you'll tell me that Philip Seymour Hoffman is in talks to play Cobra Commander.

The Joes are no longer a Brussels-based outfit.

This means, I'm guessing, that Van Damme is less likely to be cast as Hawk.

Tee-hee.

Personally, I would have preferred Monica Bellucci for the role, but...

Sienna Miller cast as The Baroness in ‘G.I. Joe'

Tuesday November 20, 2007, 5:29 am

Variety reports that Sienna Miller will play The Baroness in the upcoming G.I. Joe film, describing the character as “a raven-haired baroness and sexy femme fatale skilled in espionage.”

Miller most recently appeared in the film Stardust as Victoria, the object of Tristan’s affection and the reason he went looking for the fallen star. The British actress also appeared in Layer Cake and Casanova.

The film is set to begin filming in mid-February and is due to hit theaters in August 2009. There’s a bit of controversy around some changes made to the story, most notably the fact that GIJOE is an acronym for the Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity, a team of international operatives rather than an American fighting force.

Master Ulic wrote:There’s a bit of controversy around some changes made to the story, most notably the fact that GIJOE is an acronym for the Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity, a team of international operatives rather than an American fighting force.

That alone means it's going to be a load of fucking shit.

God, I wish the free world still had balls.